just faizal.

the washing machine

2010-10-12T10:02:00.003+08:00

seeing the washing machine work for the first time in my house. is just...awesome.
you cannot describe that feeling of 'we did it' the first time you put your mixed loads in that tin can and letting it spin round and round and round...

its just...awesome.

not the machine. not even your jersey with her yoga pants.

its just...awesome.

this is no job, this is a profession.

2010-04-07T20:38:00.004+08:00

you teach, you run laps, you camp, you shoot, you train to kill, you teach some more, you present, you are as good with a powerpoint as you are with a weapon, you talk to people, you run more laps, you train more people, you formally interview hundreds of human beings every time a batch comes in, you informally interview hundreds more on a day to day basis, you shoot some more, you train to kill some more, you learn excel, word and powerpoint and then you learn keynote, pages and numbers and then you learn how to convert them to open office. you check emails and snail mails, you talk to parents every time there is a complaint, the guys under you often complain, you run more laps, you do the obstacle course, you juggle time with your fiancee, you find time for friends, you try not to sound like you are blowing your own trumpet but the honest brutal truth is....nobody else can cut it. cross over to teaching. easy. cross over to engineering. done before. cross over to police. puh-leaseeee. ever heard of someone doing it the other way around? take it or leave it. you are trained to drop anywhere in the world and survive, including the social world. and it is not a 1st generation organisation anymore, aside from getting confidence badges splashed across your chest, you are constantly mentally challenged with desk work and email clutter and seminars. meet-the-people session every Tuesday? ....puh-lease, more like every day. and the beauty of it is, you actually do something about it. because it is your responsibility. because people in this organisation, regular or not, is your brother. no matter what gripe you have with the men in green, just know for a fact that you will not have a much safer sleep than you are having right now.

i actually have no heads or tails of where i am going with this entry.
i am just proud to be a professional in this line. wanna come over?
=)

tips on doing up a good presentation.

2010-04-07T20:25:00.003+08:00

1. a mac with keynote
2. a great team
3. another mac with keynote, because the previous mac might/will just die on you
3. numbering your priorities properly
3. what i said in 3
4. have a great speech writer and a solid presenter
5. cancel all soccer plans on saturdays with the guys
6. cancel all late nights with the fiancee
7. have no life
8. turn the volume of your phone at its loudest, you will never know who needs to call you on a friday night to come for meeting on a saturday morning.
9. throw away your phone
10. put in all effort because at the end of it all, there isn't anything sweeter, than a shake on your hand and someone telling you, that you did a fantastic job.

HOO-AH!

thank you guys, your passion for the project was ridiculously infectious.
thank you mac, for dying on me every now and then and forcing me to take a break.
thanks love for being understanding.

normalcy.

2010-03-29T21:14:00.002+08:00

if you can, you will understand, why even with 2 hours of night, i will still chase that star, knowing that in 120mins, the sun will be up, and my eyes are ready to open.

if you can understand, you will, appreciate every living moment of your parents, your siblings, your brother in law, your niece, your heart, even though you know, that appreciation is just you and your thoughts.

if you, will the need to understand, would will that every normal moment that you have is in every noiseless room and in every noisy everything else, that your will is the will of everyone else already dead.

we are, still, puppets, stringed or not, happy or not, fearful or not, still puppets to ourselves. and yet we puppets find normalcy in blowing our own nose, walking our own steps and looking our own way, that one single act that makes you feel that yes. this is my life. facade. or not.

at the end of it all.

normalcy is the moment of birth and rebirth that we face everyday. sometimes, twice a day, sometimes, once in a few days.

but do understand, that you need to return to normalcy, or else, what the hell are you living for.

aper sak kau cakap.
dalam bahasa boyan, maknanya, kerjahnyarg keraseng keraseng, tapikerneh hidopynya seseoranghui hanyokiur bilaore dior satuhyie dalamerw dirinyour. pahamt?

getting married.

2010-03-17T03:06:00.002+08:00

i now love mornings the most.
its the feeling of waking up airborne, with a silver parachute, feet never touching the ground and the wind up in my face.

i now love noon the most.
its the feeling of getting lost in eyes that bubble wraps you from everything bad in this world.

i now love evening the most.
its the feeling of sliding down a long slide, adrenalin all spent, and all you are doing is lying down on that slide, waiting for the stars to come at night.

i now love night the most.
its the feeling of watching stars watch over you with the night breeze ruffling your hair and as your feet slowly lifts off the ground.

getting ready, to do it all over again.

for reeza.
thank you.
i now love you the most.

more than ever

2010-02-15T02:15:00.002+08:00

today.

i want to drive you around.

and let you sleep in the car.

as i send you home.

today.

as i see our families.

and my future family.

and my future.

and you.

today.

i want to live with you.

and wake up to you.

and smell your smell.

today.

more than ever.

i want to get married to you.

no man is an island.

2010-01-03T20:19:00.007+08:00

ever felt like you are stepping into darkness with a small little candle?

"how sia, first time leh, got advice for me? must do what ah? need what? wear what? what to expect? haiiiah"

that first job, that first task, that first project, that first relationship, that first batch, that first class of secondary school kids, that first big exam paper, that first big step into the real world.

well, i felt that way. so i upgraded my candle to a torch.

"ahhh, ok. ok done that, settled. oh i see, ok cool. anything else? so its like this and that rite? ok can! steady!"

my seek-advice-from-subordinates-and-colleagues, my need-to-know-everything-at-my-fingertips, my ask-and-confirm-and-verify, my comfort-food, my-one-true-love-who-assures-and-reassures, my settle-everything-that-you-can-on-your-side, my-relax-its-all-going-to-be-ok, my its-ok-to-not-know-everything.

and then you realise, the people around you and most importantly you and your beliefs, are the only two things that you need...to get to the light.

"Ahhhhhh...thanks bro! thank you ibu! terima kasih abah! lovely, thank you so much love. for everything. Thank you God."

no man is an island.
no matter how awesome i am.

haha.

KL is the boomz.

2010-01-01T20:32:00.006+08:00

my older sister decided that she had way too much money.

and me and reeza became victims.

of a super cool kl trip.
one word.
niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

ok there are seriously too many pictures and too little patience.
so lets just say...it was.

AWESOME.

on a side note.
im so happy reeza is loving my family and that my family loves her.
and vice versa on my part.
this part of my life.
i call...warm fuzzies.

the silence

2010-01-01T20:17:00.002+08:00

its been...so long. =)
and i miss vomitting out my thoughts...so much.
but it was necessary. the silence.
i felt so childish and so in need of everybody. to see how many clicks i get per day.
to wage email wars on stupid idiots with blogs that nobody cares about.
to link everybody that i know.
to have something to write about.
and only now i realise. i need this for myself.

im lazy. but earnest in front of a keyboard.
im an introvert. but i love sharing my life with strangers.
im getting older. and to lose these many years as memories is such waste.
so here we are old blog.

the links are removed. no comments made available. just me, myself and you.

rat-a-tat-tat

2008-12-08T18:46:00.003+08:00

rat-a-tat-tat

7.62 rounds firing in front of me. breathe damn it breathe.
stepped front. stepped back. breathe. welcome back to the army boy.
breathe.breathe.breathe.
(elephant hill)

tap-a-tap-a-tap-a-tap

2.4km. just a lil whooo lil whooo lil more. 11mins. damn it.
come on boy. you fat lazy civilian wannabe cheeeeb**.
11.28, 29, 30 sir! good job sir. good job....
good job...my ass....
(lim chu kang camp)

rat-a-tat-tat

off! .....off!......off!.....off!
shoot lower and control your breathing private!!!
on!.....on!.......on!......off!
(undisclosed location)

ring-a-ling-ling ring-a-ling-ling

hey babe. i miss you. *yawn*
how was *yawn* your day?
*yawn* oh really? *yawn*
oh *yawn* ok *yawn*
*yawn* ok night *yawn*
lo.. *yawn* ..ve yo... *yawn* ...u

teet-teet-teet-teet

yo bros. soccer at safra mount faber tmr? -delete-
co-ord meeting at 1330 at conference room -save-
co-ord meeting postponed to 1430. -save-
co-ord meeting at 1330 at conference room -delete-
yo mat. can reply or not? tmr soccer how? -delete-
hey baby. good morning! love you lots! -save-
co-ord meeting cancelled -delete-
co-ord meeting at 1330 at conference room -delete-
bro co-ord meeting on or not ah? -delete-
sir, meeting cancelled but for you still got meeting. all 2ics at 1500 conference room -save-
bro co-ord meeting on or not ah? reply pls. -delete-
sir, meeting cancelled for all. -delete-
-delete ALL-
baby why never msg back?
(10 mins in my office)

rat-a-tat-tat-a-tat-tat

section!!!! straight ahead!!!
section!!! lima foxtrot!!!
what the f*** are you doing!
SEMULA!
(undisclosed location)

ding-dong-ding-dong

ibu. faizal nak tidur dulu. penat lah.
ibu masak apa? ok nanti faizal makan.
nanti nak jumpa reeza kejap.
malam nie faizal book in balik.
(home...home sweet home)

melay(utopia) Part 2 - The Endangered Species

2008-07-10T21:49:00.010+08:00

.by faizal rawi
Part 1 here. warning: long entry, get rice.

Hello hello hello!
Welcome again to Faizal's travel and tour. Thank you for signing up for the family package, oh I see you have brought your whole family Sir, even Grandma!

Ahaha. Auntie, how are you?
Good? Oh , ok ok.
That is very nice of your son to bring you here.

Ok Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the I-MESS-UP.
..
..
err..
Instititution of Melayutopian Endangered Species Specifically Unintelligent People.

Ahah, yah, I know, its a long name, but, haha, what to do, this IS Singapore. Everything also must abbreviate. COE, ERP, AYE, PAP, CPF, ISD, WP, SDP...woops, sensitive, sensitive, ahah.

(whispers) Lucky we indoors, if not kena lock up for illegal gathering.

Ahahaha. Joking only lah Auntie, you dont scared.

Oh you live Hougang! ok ok. Sorry sorry, I will be more sensitive.
Heh. Sorry sorry.

heh........

heh.
.
.
.

Ok ok, step up this way please Ladies and Gentlemen. As you pass through this door, I would like give you a brief history of this place.

This place was established to house the endangered species that are currently in danger of being wiped out in Melayutopia. Even though they are rare, we still managed to catch a few of them wasting their while away in the jungle. They put up a nasty fight, but we managed to bring them in to this facility. Hopefully with successfull inbreeding and lots of common sense, we can rehabilitate and repopulate them back into the community.

Ok, Mam, up this way please, ah yes, hold your mum's hand tight tight ok girl, and don't be scared. You will see a lot of stupidity going on in this place but do not worry, I am sure your mum have brought you up very well. Heh. Heh. Ok. Up here please people.

ok. As you can see, for our first exhibit, these specific species from Melayutopia are called the Hereditorianus Kepalaotakauness. As you can see, ladies and gentlemen, we managed to capture a few different groups of these species. Ok, the similiar traits of the groups in this species are that they are blindly ancestral and have only one thing in mind. The three letter S-word. Ahaha. Parents im sure you know what I'm talking about. Hahahahahahaha.

err... ok. As I was saying, they are feriociously ancestral and their main drive in life is to ..........yes.

Mate.

The males and females have genitals that can only fit if they are of the same group.
Yes you heard me.
Ahaha. That is why they are VERY rare ladies and gentlemen.

They do not care about looks, they do not care about love, they do not care about educational level, they do not care about heart....all they care about is the colour of their skin, their long forgotten heritage that nooone cares about, their mismatched loyalty to their subspecies, and instinctively, whether their 'tree' fits into the 'well'.

Ahahah.
Yes....ermz, a bunch of mindless nymphos if you ask me...aahha...

..
..
But dont tell them that in the face, they will get VERY stupid and defensive and start bombarding you with why their species is better and the other is not. Ahahha.

ok, there as you can see, we have the Arabus sub species with the camels, the Javanesesianus with their green white flags, which you can see we have to seperate from the Boyanites with their voodoo stuff, the Tasukerkelingnians and the Tasukercinanians.

Yes young man.

Oh, our rehabilitation program for these species is very direct. We inject the species with a lethal dose of 20th Century glucose to replace their 18th Century blood. And we knock their heads with common sense in hope to make them realise that they are now living in this current world and not in the world of their parents. Ahaha no worries little boy, they have a thick skull. Ahah. And as you can observe by now, we do not bring in the older generation of this species as their mind is already hard.
ok! Any other questions?

Alright! Let's go to the next exhibit!

Sir, please, down this staircase. Ahaha. Watch your steps. We are going to step on this big huge rock.

Ok ladies and gentlemen, under this big huge rock we keep the Taktahulites species. As you can see, cowering under that other huge big rock is their cousins, the Tannaktahulites. Both these species have had a rough start in life. Since young they have made it a habit to just shrug their shoulders and give a constipated face to anything that requires them to do anything that will not benefit them. Phooo! That was a mouthful!

haha. heh. heh. heh.

Yes mam? umm..yes yes they resemble the previous species in the last exhibit just that the distinctive feature of this group is that their noses are much higher up in the air.

Ok, as I was saying, since young these sub species have been living under these two giant rocks. Very protected, very happy, very little drive. Their life revolves around 3 main rules. Hidup, cinta, mati. Or in english, live, love, die. They have no real take of life and what does not bother them, they do not want to know.

You can find a lot of these species from various Melayutopian regions but this facility managed to gather our animals from the MatRepitalia and the UniversityUndergratualia regions.

Yes! Sorry sir, you have a question?

Oh what we feed them? ok in the morning, we throw in laptops and keyboards to get them to try the Internet. For lunch we feed them newspapers to give them an opinion and for dinner we give them apathy pills. Ahaha. Yah.

ok. Any more questions?

Yes auntie!
Oh no no, they are very clever and they survive very well in the jungle but the reason why they are slowly being wiped out is because they have become irrelevant....out of their own fault really.

Ok for example you see that group of UniversityUndergratullious apes over there? Yup we found those species facing each other, oblivous to the other species in the community, walking around with their noses so high and they were just........errr...
er..
......
......
(whispers)..........masturbating each other.

(GASPS! all around)

Yes yes! So sorry auntie you had to hear that but.... unfortunately these species have this heran tak heran attitude or what shall we call it, dont care i dont care? Ahahahaha. Those MatRepitalian apes for example were captured while they were using their coconut phones to film themselves fornicating at the jungle staircases, a common past time for these apes nowadays. Ahahha.

erm ok. So what we are trying to do is to make them realise that there is more to life than just hidup cinta mati and try to bring their noses lower to the ground.

Ahhhh, ok then, lets go to the next enclosure! Hold this railing here and follow me. Ok!

Ahhhh yes! this is my favourite enclosure!
Miss please no talking yah. Thanks. Oh you on the phone ah. Oh ok ok.
..
..
..
..
..
Ah finish already? Ah ok ok! Thanks miss.
Ok as I was saying, this is my favourite enclosure. This is where we keep the MakcikPakciks from the hilly Kaypoh regions.

These four legged mules are very active and they run very fast. They feed on gossipus leaves and yewknoworknots branches. They live in the hilly regions, very sociable and very likeable. But most importantly, they have no life.

Yes. You heard me right sir, no life. All they do is feed and talk and shit. Ahaha. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Talk. Non-stop. As you can see their lips are extra thick and ears extra long as they have to constantly talk about other people's lives or they would die. Yes. Tragic I know.

But that is all they do ladies and gentlemen. That is their life.
Yah!
So simple and carefree right. That is why they are my favourite sir.

Yes little girl you have a question?

Ah yes they come in all sizes and age. Oh look look here comes an old one with all her gold jewellery hanging by her neck and wrists and carrying a grocery bag. Ahah!
Ok for this subspecies, we rehabilitate them by introducing them to sports and other hobbies and try to cultivate a life that they can call their own. Ahahaha.

Yes!
Which one Mam?

Oh that one? hmmm, funny....if I'm not wrong that is a group of female UniversityUndergratullious apes. Wonder how that one got mixed up into this enclosure.
hmmmm.
..
..
..
..

No bother. ok nevermind, shall we carry on to our last cage?
Yes?

ok here please ladies and gentlemen!

Ahh here we are....(sniggers) ...ok come here behind this cage.... (soft giggle).....
...
Everybody come close to the cage now (sniggers)
...hee...
ok can you look inside the cage? ....heee
what do you see..heehee.....
yes?
yes?

A MIRROR! yes! so clever!

yes ladies and gentlemen! As you can see it is a reflection of you and me and it looks like WE are in a cage! Ahahaha.
We added this cage and mirror in our institution to let our visitors laugh at themselves and see that they themselves are not perfect and should not be hypocritical of the rest of the animals in this facility.
Hahahahah!
We got you good there didn't we!

Ahahahhahaa!

err..miss? sir? Is it not funny?
errrr..where are you going?
yes the exit is that way. The souvenier shop is to your left and the toilet is that way!
thank you!
thanks for visiting!
I hope you enjoyed the tour!
err miss? auntie?

-------------------------------

this piece halted my brain for a looooong while. i could not write other entries because completing this piece became such a chore. i liked the ending though.

thanks to reeza for the inspirations and the people around me, of which any resemblance is purely coincidental. haha!

hollow

2008-07-07T18:43:00.000+08:00

...no matter how much we try to sound so chim and all-understanding of the world around us and talk like degree holders can and will.

...no matter how much we try to relate my experience to yours and give you advice on your love issues because i have been thru it.

...no matter how much of a social commentator we can be commenting socially on events that appear and pass before our eyes to the past and sound like this world owes us an apology for being so imperfect.

...no matter how much we blog about today and how today is good for me so come share my day with me through my personal diary, come share my newfound love, newfound life, newfound newborn baby, newfound job, newfound fear, newfound new thing.

...no matter how much we think we are deepening relationships, or deepening ourselves through regurgitation of words forming deep sentences of poetic mystery where people go thats right, good entry, niceeee.

...no matter how much we think we can make that same poetic mystery by just putting one lame sentence and let other readers think that im so deep because i can quote from authors and philosophers.

...no matter the beautiful pictures accompanied by beautiful catch phrases.

we will still be hollow.

until the day we understand. that our words on our blogs means nothing to the people who do not matter.

and i am hollow.

God-less

2008-07-05T09:37:00.000+08:00

we are the God-less.

APA!?

we pray five times a day, visit the church once a week, burn our josssticks and walk on fire.
but yet we are still God-less.

MENGAPA!?

we let love rule our heads and for that brief moment when we hold our lover's gaze or hand or breasts or thighs, we forget to hold His name in our strawberry-flavoured breath.

heaavveeessss..

we are the God-less.

MENGAPA!

we let hate and fear dirty our hearts and for that brief moment when we let our hatred burn thru our enemy's fists or fingers or death threats or vulgarities, we forget that my God or your Goddess is our saviour and there should be no fear except to Him or Her or It.

heaveeeesss...

we are the God-less.

APA!

we let money and birthday cakes measure our time here and for that brief moment when we splurge unnecessarily on my new laptop or your new dress or his new car or her suprise birthday party, we forget to thank our supreme being for the other days when we lived.

heaves.

BAGAIMANA!

we let our fingers and lips type and mutter so fast on the keyboard writing and blogging and talking away with a holier than thou stance that that for that brief moment, for that brief moment, for that very brief moment, i forget..

that we are human.

i hate dogs.

2008-07-01T21:31:00.000+08:00

the blogging world is a dangerous place for little boys with no sense of responsibility.

to them its like candyland in willy wonka's factory.

they eat and shit all around and make other bloggers feel that the internet should set an age limit before one can blog.
then after they are finished eating and shitting, they close their blogs, and walk away, without cleaning their shit.

just like dogs.

i hate dogs.

except for nick's and nigel's dogs.
those kind of dogs are fine.

Melayu Seberang Tambak Part 2.

2008-05-30T01:37:00.001+08:00

Part 1 here.

This entry is for the dumb pricks who comment on Dr M's blog regarding Singapore, Singaporean Malays and other irrelevant and sweeping statements that these melayus-seberangs-tambaks make.

just Alt-F on ANY entry at Dr M's blog and type 'singapore' or 'singapura' and you will most definitely be directed to some malaysian mat or minah giving either one of the few comments below.

"kita tak nak jadi macam orang melayu singapura, hilang ketuanan mereka"

"jangan pulak kita jadi macam singapura, dimana melayu sudah tidak lagi memegang sebarang kuasa"

"tengok orang melayu seberang tambak, adakah kita hendak jadi macam mereka?"

dek, dek duduk depat hambo kejap. hambo nak cerito sikit kat dek yang sangatlah cetek pengetahuan tentang negaro singapura dan orang orang melayunyor.

hambo nie orang melayu singapore. 25 tahun. seratus peratus melayu dek.
sejak kecil lagi hambo dapat pergi sekolah dek. PREE pulak tu, goverment bayar dek.
sampai sekarang hambo baruuuu pui habis universiti kat universiti nasional singapuro.
govermen jugak bayor! bukan bayor habis, kasi subsidi sikit sikit.
tapi hambo masok buken paseh affirmative action ataupun hamba orang asli bumi datuk nenek moyang hambo dulu. hambo masuk pasal kepala otak hambo tak secetek macam sumur di ladang chek.

what land are you talking about? the land your great great grandfather and grandmother used to plow and make padi fields? you want that land back? wake up and smell the roses man. more and more scholars from malaysia are coming to singapore to study. and for every 10 malaysian scholars in NUS, 7 are chinese, 2 are indians and only 1 is malay. need i say more? you ask to be given your share because you are the originals of the country. you ask to be granted extra privilege because you are the majority and the majority is more important. great, keep on doing that and you can have your land back, the way it was when your ancestors ploughed the fields.

hambo kerja dengan tentero negaro singapura.
ye dek! dengan hang hang baju hijo tu. hambo officer lagi dek, amik pangkat pasal dorang kata sayo boleh pimpin orang.
saya pimpin orang melayu, orang cino, orang india, orang puteh, orang malaysia yang datang jadi PR kat singapore pun pernah hambo pimpin dek.
dia jadi sarjen lagi dek.
bila hambo nak sano sini, hambo naik motosikal hambo yang dah berlapok 3 tahun, KR hijo. kalau hambo malas nak naik motosikal, hambo drive kakak hambo punya kereta. kalau tak hambo naik teksi, orang cino drive, orang india pun drive, melayu pun ade dek. tapi teksi kat sini semua ikut meter, tak ikut kulit.

After 25 years I lived in singapore, I have never had any major incident of racism that has slowed down or worse still halted my pursuit to success in education or happiness in practicing my religion or being who i am.

---The only incident was when this chinese kid said that this indian kid was smelly and i defended the indian kid by kicking the chinese kid and we got into trouble with the principal. that was the most regrettable day of my primary school life. sob sob.---

You say we are oppressed? this is SINGAPORE mat. We run by democracy and meritocracy. granted, the politics are not that leakproof when the rain falls but you can bet that racism is not one of those holes in the roof.

betul dek, walaupun kat army, hambo maseh boleh sembahyang lima waktu dek.
kalau hambo miss pun, itu pasal tanduk hambo dah mula balik tajam.
heh heh.
dek paham apa makno meritocracy? kalau dek kerja keras, dek pergi sekolah, dek tak buat jahat, dek confirm. gurantee. plus chop. boleh tinggal kat singapore problem free. stress tu ado lah.
negeri mano takde stress?
kat negeri south pole takdo orang, takdo goverment pun ada stress, mano tahu ada polar bear nak ngap hang.

yes. we have historical baggage. left out of the nations poltiics and economic involvement in the 50s and 60s.
teenage malay guy didnt get enlisted to ns -> young malay man has no discipline -> young malay man marry young malay woman -> young malay man become dad ->dad didnt get much work because lacked discipline from view of companies -> dad got stressed -> dad turned to drug -> mum worked late to support one baby -> baby born -> baby become teenager and the whole cycle continues.

poor.
unmotivating.
vicious.
ok i exaggerated a lot. not all malays were like that, but most malay families had a pattern of somewhat similiar circumstances. then came the 70s ad 80s and ns was made compulsory, nation building was based on multiracial strengthening, add a little fairy dust from Lee Kuan Yew and gang, and voila.

tapi kan dek, sekarang dak tukar dek. kira kanan bawah atas melayu semua ada.
dalam politics ada, dalam tandas pun ada.
naik basikal ada, naik merceeds pun ada.
amik drugs ada, jual drugs pun ada.
tinggal kat rumah ada, tinggal kat jalan pun ada.
ehhhh jap jap.

if you are ever to see a homeless person on the streets of singapore, call the police, use the non-emergency hotline, and they will direct the homeless person to a shelter to be cared for, no matter what race, no matter what religion, no matter what situation or condition they are in. and if you see any malays, well..

hang tanya dulu,
cik, cik dari mana nie? asal duduk kat kat sini depan checkpoint causeway nie dengan anak cik mintak sedekah?
cik susah nak. cik dari johor...

GASP! BLASPHEMY! HOW DARE YOU INSULT US MALAYSIANS!

hamba mintak maaf dek.
bukan niat hambo nak kutuk. hambo nak cakap ajer.

kat singapore nie, melayu takde rasa oppressed, depressed, suppressed, cannot say anything in the press, we are not harrassed, we are not in a mess.
tak payahlah dek bebual kopi kat Dr M punya blog macamlah orang melayu kat singapore nie takde duit, tinngal bawah rumah Muthusamy, kena kencingkan Ah Cai, bukak mulut kena tutup, bukak kedai kena bakar.

takde dek takde.
betul abang cakap.
kalau dek datang singapore, dek nampak melayu, dek tanya ajer dia.

kita tak rasa lah nie bumi kita punya. ataupun nenek moyang kita punya.
reban ayam dengan pokok kelapa dah lama dah kita tinggalkan.
nie bumi Tuhan punya per.
Cina, India, Melayu, Angmoh, Malaysian, Singaporean pun hamba Tuhan jugak per.

ada gi neraka, ada gi syurga.
tapi asal kita dekat bumi sambil mengejar ilmu duniawi dan ukhrawi, apa pasal kita tak boleh kasi si Ah Cai jalankan Goverment kalau Ahmad masih dapat pergi sekolah, pergi ibadah, pergi haji, jadi officer kat army, jadi politican, makan roti prata Muthusamy. Lepas tu mati, digalikan kubur kat Pusara Aman yang digali dengan trektor company milik orang putih.

apa salahnya dek.

you bilang abang.

Melayu Seberang Tambak Part 1.

2008-05-30T01:36:00.000+08:00

If there ever was a need for me to answer,
who is your favourite political leader?
I would answer MM Lee Kuan Yew or Dr Mahathir.

Granted, when asked the same question during my SAF scholarship interview, I voiced the latter.
Yes, they still wanted me in even after I said I looked up to the Malay-Indian political leader across our causeway. So for all you wankers who still thinks 'saf tengok kulit ah' and 'melayu susah ah kalau masuk army', you can carry on being naive and suck on your milk-bottles.

Anyways, I cannot see one without the other.
Define the relationship in whatever way you want.

adversaries. enemies. fathers of two nations. asian's past. political tiger and lion.

As far as politics are concerned. They went through the toughest of rebuilding a nation after post war, they were the champions of hope, spear-headers of hard-to-accept policies and most importantly, men of vision.

No matter how each individual's nation turn out today, none can take those attributes away from them.

So! Having already established that I am a fan of Mahathir and LKY, I shamelessly admit that I have a couple of their books and have enjoyed reading them during my post-war secondary-school-ri-sucks years.
The Malay Dilemma and Memoirs of LKY and the Singapore Story were the appetizers that launched my hunger for social and community involvement during and after my JJC-i-like days.

Thus in recent days, after Dr Mahathir launched his blog, I became a fervent reader of his site during the precious minutes of the day of which I am in front of my laptop. Sadly to say, I sense his bitterness and disappointment of how the politics in Malaysia did not turn out the way he wanted to. And bitterness and disappointment can steal away sophistication in the way one articulates and approaches his/her views.

whether its through..

1. Undermining the capability of the leaders in UMNO by bringing in irrelevant details of past.
2. Or talking about sisters of current UMNO leaders begging him to reinstate their brother's party membership.
3. Or how i-scratched-your-back last time and you-are-not-scratching-mine-now.
4. Or how you-did-it-last-time and i-forgive-you so why-are-you-not-doing-the-same.
(you will understand if you keep up to date with malaysian politics and read his blog)

but NO, he is not my topic for this already-long-winded introduction to the actual entry.

Part 2 here.

i broke up with reeza.

2008-05-03T03:25:00.001+08:00

yup. but im ok. call me now if you are close friend and ask me about what happened. or read on.

yes. in this very fast paced life as we choose to call it, though, i would rather term it temporary testing ground, we the netizens, believe that our voice matters. that everything we blog will come to a rumbling mess of discussion and arguments and life-changing situations for the people who read it. wake up. your voice do not matter that much as you think it does. we give ourselves too much credit and make our genitals so much bigger in this cyberworld. in fact your pedestal is so freaking high up in the air that you fail to see that the only people who reads your blog are the same ones who pass by you as you walk along the streets or class or school and give you a hi-bye smile and nod. the ones that really gives a shit about what you write about are the ones you meet every saturday during soccer or have circle of trust sessions at mout faber or meet for lunch every alternate week. and the ones who REALLY gives a shit about what you think or say would most probably ALREADY know what you are thinking about before you even blog about it because you most probably spend so much time with them over the phone or online or cuddling in bed after making love or holding hands in the mrt on the way back from your date.

oh. and no. i didnt break up with reeza. we are still much deeply in love. i was just proving my point. that if you are still reading this shit of an entry instead of having picked up your handphone to msg me so that i can tell you NOT to read on, you are most probably an ex-gf, a stranger i cant give a shit about, or a low life bloghopper who should be spending time with his/her family outside, watching TV or asking your parents out to lunch. -wink-
-dont you just hate it when im right?-

the thing about thinging yourself to a thing.

2008-04-01T10:38:00.000+08:00

i am a boyanese.
my dad is boyanese.
my religion is islam.
i am a sunni.
i apparently follow some imam's way of teaching in this region of the world.
i am singaporean. i am a malay. i am a student. i am a soldier when the country needs me.
i will either die a grandfather. or father. or single. or overseas with a bullet in me.
whichever calling comes first.

boyan! boyan? Eeee, boyan semua....macam...tak baik lah. ibu tak suka lah boyan boyan nie semua. tak tak boleh. kau kahwin JAWA! atau ARAB! aku tak nak darah keturunan kita ada darah BOYAN! tolong eh, dorang tu semua, pencuri! bodoh! pakai black magic! bunuh orang! KAU KAHWIN JAWA!

i know of another guy. his mum is malay. his religion is his bike.
he does not fit any stereotypical religion.
he speaks to god every night and prays for the safety of his loved ones.
he does not feel that patriotic for his country. he distances himself from the malay community.
he is a rebel.
he does not like studying.
he believes in living life. and that the end of life, is just..the end.

what? no religion? jadi...dia atheist? dia tak gi sembahyang jumaat? tulah! i always see him with his gf on fridays. God. i cant believe that. and whats with him? takut kena panggil melayu? apa? dia malu jadi orang melayu kaper? eh, bilang dia, mak dia tu melayu. tak payah step english english ataupun mix around with non-malay friends. MENYAMPAH!

i know of this colourless person. he does not define himself. Defining himself makes him mainstream and subject to sterotypes. he has colourless friends. he prays to his God and respects other Gods his colourless friends pray to. he lives in this time, at this moment. he is who he is. without a need to define.

my question to you is. whose life at which time in which part of the world are you living in?
for the boyanese girl who die die cannot marry javanese.
for the javanese mother who cannot see their grandchild's ic as boyanese.
for the indian father who goes what-the-fuck at their daughter's chinese bf.
for the chinese friend who dumps his malay gf because blood is thicker than water.
for the muslim friend who distant themselves from their christian colleagues.

for you, today, i define myself.
im am anti-racist and i have no respect for myopic, tinggal-kat-zaman-gua, people like you.

I share with you...

2008-03-29T09:10:00.000+08:00

...the two cutest girls in my life.
my niece arynna.
my love and the spring in my heart.
oh and there's reeza too.
*chuckle chuckle*

So true.

2008-03-29T09:05:00.000+08:00

took this from nigel's blog. wanted it to become 'stale' first before i posted this. heh. heh. heh.
its from george carlin, funny bitch, comedy genius, respectable and so easily disrespectable at the same time.
enjoy.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

God forgive me for I am in love.

2008-03-22T09:47:00.000+08:00

puisi ini saya buat untuk anniversary kiter yang ke 11 yer...

Bismillah..

_____________________

Ter.

tersikit sindiran
terlebih terasa
terkecil senyuman
terbesar suara

ada kala tersangatlah marah
sikit kala tersangatlah muram
banyak kala tersangatlah sayang
sekian kala tersangatlah haram
*gasp*

terang terasa teruna terhati,
terdara tercinta terdengan teruna.
teruna terdara teramatlah tercinta,
terima terdara teruna termy-hand-in-marriage?

Takda Erti Resahku
Tidak Endah Riangku
Terkecil Ego Rimbaku
Timbul Ehsan Ratnadewiku

______________

Babe,
for all my inadequecies,
you are the clorox for my soul and the mouthwash for my heart.
you make me feel like i can do so much wrong
and yet make me feel like i do not want to do any wrong.
you are my angel, my she devil, my darkness and my light.

Baby,
i want the world to know,
that i want to marry you,
grow old with you,
and die knowing my life was with you.

Love,
this is our movie for hopeless romantics
and hopeful singles.

Reeza,

in the whole history of man and to what seems like just a small microscopic period of that history in which me and you will live and die in a long list of life and deaths and in that long list of life and deaths words have escaped mouths sometimes so easily other times so hard other times so meaningful and other times so cliche and let me carelessly borrow those words again from all history up to this point, from all speakings in this world and other worlds up to this second...

.
.
.

i love you.

this is no 11th month anniversary.

this is a celebration of each day up till today that got me to where i am right now.
with you.

to love. with love.

a personal prayer.
God forgive me for loving someone so much that in many ways and others that I have forgotten Thee. It is only through Your Will and Your Grace and the Book of Destiny that me and reeza may find each other till we come back to Thee. Thank you God for this point in my life, and the future, for better or for worse which You have predetermined, i Thank You. With Your blessings, shower our hearts cold with patience and warm with love. Light up our way and guide Your blinded Muslims. Insya-Allah. Ameen.

nigga please.

2008-03-17T09:39:00.000+08:00

Good evening and Peace Be Upon You,

In life, we are constantly judged by what we do, by outsiders and third parties, by the knowing and the unknowing, the informed and the grossly uninformed and the biased.

And I can never understand people who say 'i dun want to interfere but i got to say someting' anyways...

'Advice' that you get from these 'i-really-do-mean-well' people are as cliche as most other speeches and rethorics that I have heard the past 24 years of my life. People who wish to 'settle' stuff and 'advice' on what is best for the situation which they cannot comprehend unless they put on the shoes of the perpetra(tor) and perpetra(tee). And I pity the situation that these people put themselves into.

They mean well, Im sure they do. They want to sell 'common sense' and 'cooler heads will prevail' speeches' which they did. They are of a different nature, not like the rest who talk behind backs, which they dont. And they end the emails and speeches with 'forgive me for intruding but I meant well', which they did.

Understand that sometimes, the right thing to do, (however ungentlemanly) is to let everything out, to waste all negative energies, to have self-reflection on what you did and take everything that happened and channel it to grow yourself.

Suffering leads to maturity. To not let time heal, to not let bickering people bicker, to not let others make mistakes(however common and foolish, however public or private) leads to more harm than good and no, not even the Israeli-Palestinian conflict cannot be resolved thru suffering.

That said, all that is bad and negative must come to an end and this event definitely will.

Rushing it will only lead to confusion and unexplored feelings.

With regards to 'washing dirty linen' and taking out entries on blogs.

I am a keen supporter of free speech and say what you need to if you need to get it out.

Nothing that we do or say can be rightfully taken away from us.

I will choose to keep any and every entry that I write. For 2 reasons.

1. To firmly support my stand and perspective, that those who needs to understand will understand and those who do not will just be like the 'makcik and pakcik' kat pasar yang walaupun baik hati, suka komen, tak tahu benda tapi banyak story.

2. To inform everyone who reads this blog that only my bike, my mac, my family, my brothers, my ayang and Him(see above) can influence me to retract what I said or to not do what I did. They know me best and He knows me best.

And Im sure, that religious quote-from-the-Quran-i-mean-well people can emphatise..

..that even after praying to God and asking Him for directions..

..that I still feel that pursuing this matter and making sure that relevant parties are compensated and made responsible for what has happened is the right thing to do.

Thank you. God Bless.

P.S. sometimes in life, we need to look beyond the superficialities, of a blog entry, or a fight, or a hypocritical email. jumping in straight, thinking that the right thing to say or do IS the right thing to say or do sometimes is not the right thing to say or do.

i hope siapa siapa yang terasa terhadap entry ini dapat accept this 'teguran' with the opennes of mind, Ameen.

you make me laugh, dear vp.

2008-03-08T18:55:00.000+08:00

you make me laugh dear vp,
for not taking the jokes,
with a cup of sugar,
and a spoonful of ice.

you make me laugh dear vp,
for hustling like a dog,
whispering 'woofs woofs' in my ears,
saliva dripping from ur frown.

you make me laugh dear vp,
for fighting like a girl,
for dropping like a fly,
for hustling still, like a dog.

you make me laugh dear vp,
with careless words,
pronounced to give you strength,
a facade of your true weakness.

you make me laugh dear vp,
for you promised so much,
and delivered so so so so so,
little.

you make me laugh dear vp,
for i was the one,
who stood for you,
who told them you could make it,
give this dog a bone,
give him a chance.

you make me laugh dear vp,
as you announced and renounced your position.
as i heard you barked,
with gusto,
with pride.

and with gusto and with pride,
you make me tear dear vp.
no.
this is no schoolboy fight.
this was the ending that i needed.

thank you dear vp.
you make me laugh.

Mas, tak Selamat(lah) - (Bro, not safe lah.)

2008-03-03T11:22:00.000+08:00

THIS IS NOT FUNNY!

I took time off from my busy schedule, during my 8 hours break before my next lesson at 6pm to blog this to you, so LISTEN up.

So Mas Selamat escaped. And conspiracy theories have been coming up on how and why. From 'he was tortured to death and this is a cover up' to 'this is a distraction so that the gahmen can pass this years budget without anyone noticing'.

I dun care.

If the guy's tortured to death, he is most probably in a better place right now. God-willing. And the 'independent' 3-member inquiry committee which is SO not 'independent', (how can you put someone from MHA to investigate an issue in MHA?) will most prob dig out the truth. and who cares about 'you-can-make-noise-but-we-will-still-pass' the budget.

thats not my point.

my point is, IF the guy is smart enough or if the poh-lice is dumb enough to let him escape, then most prob Mas Selamat is smart enough to have MANY disguises, not just to shave off his beard and goatie. so i took this off from talkingcock.com for everyone to DOWNLOAD and pass it around to your friends and family. (click to enlarge and download)

on a more SERIOUS note, not that I am already NOT serious, catch the guy fast man. this kind of escapism of a terrorist suspect should NOT be taken lightly and just be passed of as a 'mistake' and and a one-liner like 'i apologise' from the mini-star.

look, i know most of us are not empathetic to the situation, cause its not our battle and the poh-sorry-it-was-a-freak-mistake-lice will do their job, but this guy wanted to crash a plane into changi airport for heaven's sake!

so he didnt. but he wanted to! and if he had, and he escaped, would we be empathetic then?

so go ahead. PUT THE ABOVE PICTURE ON YOUR BLOGS, at home, on your fridge, hell, print some t-shirts with 'em and lets catch this guy fast.(if he really DID escape)

thank you.
this is a public service brought to you by phaizal.blogspot.com
have a nice day.

The Speech

2008-03-03T09:48:00.000+08:00

(stands on podium)
mats.
minahs.
makciks.
pakciks. lend me your ears.

our community is growing like mushrooms.

in the educational sector, WITHOUT fail, EVERY year we increase our quota of malay students at ALL levels.
primary,
secondary,
polys,
ites,
universities.

(applause)

makciks and pakciks.
OUR community can PROUDLY say we make the the VERY fabric of the working world here in singapore.

sweeping the streets? MELAYU BOLEH! tak kisah.

take rubbish out from the hdb dumpster? MELAYU BOLEH! tak kisah.

parking attendant? despatch rider? librians? service industry? MELAYU BOLEH! tak kisah!

Now makcik, i am telling you, the malays are penetrating into skilled jobs. engineering? malay muslim engineers from nus and ntu are getting snapped up by middle eastern companies straight after graduation. orang kita!

syariah law? islamic banking? more and more i see malays passionate about helping OUR community in law school and business school. EACH year, the number increases. lawyers, bankers! orang kita!

entrepeunership? pakcik. pakcik tahu tak, the malays are the most gung-ho right now in the local entrepeunership scene? website builders! learning agencys! online businesses! maid agencies! restaurants! orang kita jugak!

dari sapu lantai sampai buat business. dari cikgu sampai engineers. dari pembuang sampah sampai laywer! dari hujung kaki sampai hujung rambut. we can proudly say,if there is a profession in this country, CONFIRM ADA MELAYU!

(thunderous applause)

makcik! pakcik!

saya dah tak mahu cakap lagi lah!

Lebih saya cakap, lebih orang kita SENDIRI tak suka, lebih ORANG KITA SENDIRI pandang rendah, LEBIH ORANG KITA SENDIRI kata kita bermasalah!

Assalamualaikum! ROCK NEVER DIE!

(bows, and walks off stage)

kerna.

2008-03-02T01:30:00.000+08:00

CINTA.

like a fish out of water.

2008-02-12T14:47:00.001+08:00

some of the nevers that i have compiled in my 24 years...

never let someone tell you that you are smaller than what you can be.
belajar tinggi tinggi. kalau tak nak belajar, cari makanan halal. jadi orang baik. jadi orang kaya-maruah. jadi orang yang berguna.

never let them get away with it.
jangan tunduk bila dimaki. jangan nangis kalau dicaci. jangan biar orang pandang rendah. tu zaman tuah. sekarang zaman jebat, biar derhaka, biar membara cita-cita kau. jangan sekali putus asa.

never let others make you feel like you are not living life.
jangan mengikut-ikut orang. hidup pasal kau nak hidup. seribu macam cara nak hidup. hidup kaya. hidup bercinta. hidup bergirlfren. hidup single. hidup rock. hidup pergi sini sana. kau cari hidup kau sendiri. hidup yang orang lain takkan ada.

never be not thankful for what you have.
adik. kakak. ibu. abah. gf. kawan. duit yang ibu dan abah kerja siang malam yang kau pakai untuk beli rokok. masa yang orang lain beri kat kau. kereta kecik yang kau ada yang kau ingat kecik sangat.

never fear what is not in your control.
kerana kita orang islam percaya pada takdir. tapi. takdir bukan alasan untuk kau relek goyang kaki hidup happy kerja cukup makan. itu bukan takdir, itu malas.

never lie to someone you love.
kerana satu macam cinta tak boleh bermacam-macam lidah.

never love someone you find a need to lie to.
kerana bila lidah tersasul, muka jadi merah, hati berdarah.

never find the need to be always right.
betul tak semestinya bagus. salah tak semestinya tak bagus. kadang-kadang mengaku salah walaupun betul, adalah betul.

never smile for the sake of smiling.
senyum itu pahala? jadi kalau tak senyum dosa? senyum kalau tak bahagia pun dosa, kerana mengecualikan diri sendiri dalam riba dan pilu bukan cara hidup kat dunia. share the love. spread your worries.

never forget God.
kerana jika semua yang telahku tulis tidak ada erti, tidak ada erti dan tidak ada erti. percayalah, ertinya dalam Tuhan.

insomniac entry part 4

2008-02-06T03:17:00.000+08:00

AGREE TO DISAGREE

i learnt in hr2002 last week about diversity. the exercise was such.

1. write down all stereotypyes that you have/perceive about people.

2. watch a video titled a class divided, a PBS production teaching little kids about discrimination .

3. re-read what we wrote, and think of how we should not judge people superficially.

the video and the lesson learnt from that class had a profounding effect on me.....

.....which lasted 5 mins. after which, annoyedly, i was having an argument in my own head about the bullshittiness of 'agreeing to disagree' and the superficiality of the whole exercise.

i wrote on my piece of paper.

1. i am a homophobic.

2. i see my race as being inferior in certain societal aspects but i do not see any other race as being superior

3. i think politicians are power hungry adults with too much power.

the lesson teaches 3 things.
not to discriminate due to self-generalisation.
to respect opinions of others and see them first as human beings like ourselves.
to agree to disagree.

and to why the effect of the lesson only lasted 5 mins on cold, cold me..

1. i do not like to be around gays NOT because i do not understand that love is cinta is sayang is love. :) i TOTALLY am ok with spiritual and deep love among man to woman, man to man, woman to woman, man to animals. hell, i LOVE my brothers and i would not think twice to kiss, hug or say the words 'i love you, man' to any of them.

i have a problem with the anal intercourse part. come on man, sure thing, love the guy, kiss him, hug him..but you know..when you love him so much to the point where you get naked and go..

' i want to make love to you',

shouldnt you look down and realise,

'hey man, we have 2 of the same things....hmm..something aint right here...hmm..maybe this is unnatural...hmmm'.

sure sure, already i see some gay activists raising up their hand and going,

'but what about oral intercourse..thats unnatural too! aha! we got you! you straight ba***rd!'

right back at ya. im talking abt making love in its most real, purest form. guys, if you REALLY are in love, and AFTER you are married, im VERY sure that demanding your wife to perform oral intercourse will not be on the priority list of 'this is how we make love'. but thats another post for another time.

so thats my rep with the gay thing. gay bros, i respect you man. i REALLY do think that the love you have for each other IS true. but when it comes to doing the anal thing, thats just lust man. and thats where, morally, its wrong for me. gayism is UNNATURAL, (just like blowjobs, handjobs or whatever other jobs that we sinners come up with) so i pray we ALL become better lovers and more straight.

2. before the lesson,(and for 24 other years of my life) i stereotype my race so purposefully so that i will ALWAYS remember to strive harder, to ALWAYS remember where i come from, to ALWAYS remember that i do not live alone in this community. BUT at the back of my mind i ALWAYS tell myself, NEVER EVER utter this sterotype out loud to the people you are helping. hell no am i going to go to muhammadiyah boys home and tell them

'look guys, as malays, we are seen as such such such, so lets buck up man'.

i have NEVER believed that the way above motivates people. you should go down and you tell them

'we ARE malays. and look at our achievements as such such such. so give me your hand and let me help you fill your potential, cause i am part of you in this community'

stereotying help(ed) me through that phase where i needed a sense of self-imposed societal competition when all around me, the mats under the block played guitar, the chinese in school made jokes about 'eh mat, never bring guitar', and the indians were given a 5-feet radius just because they smelt like curry.(its what they eat plus the incense and the coconut oil you wankers. and i fucking love curry and i fucking love my non-gay indian brother gopi).

but perhaps now it is time i change my sterotype. things are really looking up for the malay community.

3. and dont even get me started on local politicis. i am more interested in barak obama's next speech than the next new thing we decide to add to the CPF scheme.

fine, who says you cant learn something in school.

insomniac entry part 3

2008-02-06T02:29:00.000+08:00

this is a formal letter of appeal to all girl riders/bikers/drivers.

Dear Mdm/Ms/Mrs

1. I am Muhammed Faizal Rawi. I am currently 24 years old. I started driving in the army at 18 when I got my military licence. I got my bike licence at 20. Bought by first bike at 21. and on my 23rd birthday, I got my civilian driving licence. I plan to get my first car by the time i reach 25 this year.

2. However, it has come to my attention that getting a car might not be a good choice after all. Over the last few years of my bike-riding life, I have come to notice a few things that has made me think twice from switching to a car.

3. Mdm/Ms/Mrs, do you know what the red circle around the number along the expressway denotes that you CAN actually go just a LITTLE above that number on your speedometer. Even if you do not, and DO still wish to drive/ride at that speed or LOWER, the extreme right lane is not for you. Kindly move your b*g *ss to the left lane, with the b*g *ss lorries.

4. There is NO harm in being too cautious and going slow. But what I cannot comprehend is the ability for one to go at such a slow speed and STILL be unable to have a sense of situation given the TIME to actually comprehend a situation, whether it is to negotiate a turn or overtaking or just changing lanes.

5. Mdm/Ms/Mrs. Check your blindspot. Be aware of whats on your right, whats on your left, what finger the person behind you is holding up to you...and MOVE your b*g *ss!

6. Lastly, as your numbers increases, I realise that the ONLY way to solve this situation is to ban your gender from the road. (but we know thats not gonna happen). so I am going to sell my bike. No. I will burn my bike in protest. And then I will take public transport.

7. Thank you.

Regards,
Muhammed Faizal Rawi
Fellow agitated male road user/Not sexist, just annoyed.

P.S. Didnt I just tell you to move your BIG ASS!

melay(utopia)

2008-01-29T10:56:00.000+08:00

.by faizal rawi (very long, get popcorns and coke)

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Welcome, welcome. My name is Faizal, and I will be your tour guide today. Please please. follow me up till here. Please. Thank you.

Please stand behind the yellow line. Err, miss, please. Thanks.

ok. On the left, as you can see..err, please Sir, no feeding the mats and the minahs please. They have been purposefully left by themselves....you know.. so that they can learn how to survive on their own once we release them back to the real world. Ahhh. Thanks ah sir.

ok! As i was saying on the left is the main community of the melayutopias. Most of them are on the service side. Trained to..you know, dispatch, security, parking attendants, clerks, factory workers, housing agents. Very skilled. Very hardworking. But dun worry, they wont bite. They are very contented and happy with their life. We feed them average pay once a month. And they love the occasional bonuses. Ahaha. But only if they are well behaved. Ahaha.

Ok, and beside them are the mats and minahs which the handsome gentleman tried to feed just now. Ok, as I was explaining to the fine gentleman, we do not allow any feeding of any sort to them. As you can see... among themselves they learn how to survive on the streets.

Sometimes this part of the community establish groups among themselves to hunt and sometimes even kill others of the same species. Oh no no no, they do not hunt or kill for food, they just do it to establish territory and to make their balls look bigger.

Oh no worries madam, this kind of behaviour is normal among backward primates. Their favourite food is cigarettes and happy meals. They reach a certain sense of hypnotism listening to old school malay slow rock music, which I also love by the way, ahahhaa. ....
..
..
..
..
..

OK. But as you can see, as I said earlier, slowly we try to rehabilitate them so that they can later join the working class and you know, get connected with the older peers, join the working committee, follow the foot steps of their older ones.

But they usually realise that they have to fend for themselves and work for themselves when they reach a certain age where their parents no longer want to suport them ...you know.....or when they procreate and are then forced to pay to kill off their young or raise them whichever comes naturally. Ahaha..

Ah yes brother! Do you have a question?

Oh yes of course, some of them get education... you know... go to secondary schools and polys and ites but the chances of them surviving there are very low. Unsuitable learning conditions and stress climate coupled with the hereditary lazy genes makes it very hard for them to strive. Eventually only a handful will thrive and move up the hierarchy....oh oh ok .....

shhhhh...we are approaching the enclosure where we keep the creme of the crop.

(whispers) please make your way slowly up this ramp....

...we are going into the higher echelons of the community. They do not like to be disturbed and neither do they like to ....ehr miss miss...please..shhhh no talking......ok...as I was saying they do not like to be disturbed nor do they like to be known as the higher class. They are quite anti-social and if could be they would just like to live on their own and cut off ties with any stigma associated with the melayutopian species.

(whispers) Oh oh...look there is one which is just waking up. Isn't that just the cutest thing. Ok ladies and gentlemen, that species is called the universitus undergraduaten. They are the younger smaller version of their bigger cousins, the honourus and mastereus graduatens. Not to worry, both species are very docile and empathetic. They usually live alone but most probably will find a mating partner of the same species. As you can see the enclosure here is built quite big. We will be expecting more of them to fill up this enclosure in the future...

Oh ok ok! Shhhhhh...(whispers) Ok behind them, can you see... working on those high branches......those are called the politicianus monkeys. Kk here I let you borrow my binoculars here. ok little boy here you go. Ok can you see up there, kinda white and blue and red in colour. Yup yup.

Ok pass the binocular around....as you can see there are only a few of the species and they no longer bear much resemblance to the major bulk of the melayutopian community as we have seen earlier.

Evolution and living far off from the ground has made them immune to any side effects or diseases. Once in a while if you are lucky, you can see a couple of them coming down the high branches to take pictures with the younglings from the lesser species or to cut ribbons and of course for the occasional 'lighting up of the jungle'.

(whispers) Oh, you see that small group over there, yah those are the high-income earners and entrepreneurs. Ok...shhhhh....please sir....ok... that side is restricted area as this species are highly dangerous and would rather we not disturb them at all.

Very self-motivated. Very proud of their achievements. And if you look closely, they are currently trying to climb up that money tree coated by yellow slime. Oh look, there is one that has reached the top, oh...hes not coming down for sure. Oh look and hes singing, 'My Way' by Sinatra. Ahow typical. ok.

Well...please Mam..down this ramp. And my binoculars please...ah thank you. Well ladies and gentlemen we have come to the end of the tour.

I hope you have enjoyed yourselves. Please exit to your front or if you would like you can go through the tour again by yourself.

Just remember that to your right is the struggling, evolving, hopeful and helpless species and to your left is the upper echelons of the striving, fast paced, knowledgeable, and yet still help-less section of this whole melayutopian community. There is no centre, its just getting bigger.

Thank you. Have a nice day. :)

i hated writing this piece. as i dwelled more into the entry i became more aware of my stereotypical-ness in potraying what was potrayed.

but i realised that these stereotypicals was one of the ways that made me motivate myself to be better, both to my personal life and to the community.

aper. awak tak leh angkat saya tulis macam gini pasal orang kita? lu tak leh angkat gua kata lu anggek? kau tak leh angkat aku kata kau takde cita-cita besar? lu tengok ajer kiri kanan.

my kind of love.

2008-01-23T12:36:00.000+08:00

sajak mat rempit.

ini lagu pernah kudengar,
lagu jiwang mat minah ku.
ini story pernah ku langgar,
cinta accident motosikal baru.

lagu jiwang start dengan drum,
cinta monyet start dengan love.
otak ku bingung macam buat problem sum,
love is cinta is sayang is love?

lu ketawa kat gua punya rhymes,
gua punya poem pun tak congruent.
but this story, my brudder, will stand the test of time,
i dun care, i mat rempit, i dun need to be fluent.

9 exes aku ada aku simpan dalam kocek,
macam kad pakau time aku main poker.
gua jumpa nie minah time dia tengah gelek,
time tu aku dengan lagi satu minah rocker.

lu nak cakap apa lu cakap lah gua tak kisah,
gedebak gedebuk ding dong ding dong gua jatuh cinta.
bila panas kita panas, bila ribut kita basah,
but you noe what they say, sayang is love and love is cinta.

dah 9 bulan sekarang aku dengan si gelek,
lagi 2 tahun dia jadi cikgu gua jadi askar.
ini next paragraph gua sumpah gua tak bedek,
ini next paragraph dari hati gua yang membakar.

for 23 years of my life, i have loved and lost,
i dare not utter what i understand of love.
but you came to my life like a hot bottle of chilli sauce,
you sauced up my life, and turned this rebel to a smurf.

you see my love, i cant rhyme for nuts,
im usually good at words but with you i tak tahu.
you buat i sakit dalam jeans you yang ketats,
but your softness demands my utmost respect for you.

ini sajak mat rempit, so far best ke tak?
ada faham or not wat im trying to say?
ini story cinta lu beli ke tak?
you dun buy it, gua tak kisah, its not for you anyway.

selamats.

and the only other time when i feel weightless and problem free is when im on the bike at 169km/h.

and if you can imagine that feeling for every second that im with you.

can you realise how orgasmic it is to be with you now?

-central library, 1:15pm-

insomniac entry part 2

2008-01-23T01:56:00.000+08:00

love.

an overrated word for people out of it.

a constant blabbering for people full of it.

a careless whisper for people not supposed to be in it.

an unspoken bond for people who truly have it.

which one do you have?

insomniac entry part 1

2008-01-23T01:41:00.000+08:00

...and if during kiamat, God asked you..

what would you have done, if you can change the world with your thoughts.
what would you do different, if I gave you the ability to touch individuals with your words.
what would you give if I gave you the power to influence how a person thinks.

and you look down at your laptop.
and you understood what He said,
and you looked back at Him.

and all you could say was..

i blog abt my happy daily life and put nice pictures up.
i blog abt my sorrows so others will feel for me.
i blog abt love lost so others will see im human.
i blog abt love gained so others can see i have moved on.

with maturity comes responsibility.
how responsible are we with our words?
how do you turn high readership of your blog to something useful?
or...do we even need blogs? or facebooks? or two friendster accounts?

how DID we really live, before this virtual world came about?

quote of the day: stop blogging, make relationships.

jihad metallica.

2007-11-13T11:09:00.000+08:00

metallica.
dari lagumu aku bina masjid.
dimana aku berwudhu vodka.
dan bertunduk ke 'bouncer-bouncer' berjubah kot hitam.
berkiblat ke arah deejay.
berzikir ke techno.
.
.
.
.
.

dasyat!!
dasyat kau kata?

dari dasyatmu ku lari rumah.
dari dasyatmu ku malas sekolah.
dari dasyatmu ku pergi MOS.
dari dasyatmu ku minum bir.
.
.
.
.
.

haram siols!
haram?!

bir tu haram... mengumpat pun haram per.

pakai skirt pendek haram! ...pakai tudung seluar ketat pun haram per!

pergi clubbing haram! ...duduk rumah tengok porno tak sembahyang pun dosa per!

lepas clubbing pergi 'bina masjid' dgn minah-baru-jumpa-kat-club haram! .....pegang tangan dengan bf dalam MRT pun haram per!

.

.

.
apa beza kau dan aku?
kau mati lepas hidup 60 tahun besarkan family kau tu jihad.
.
aku mati kena serang dengan parang depan MOS pasal defend family aku pun jihad per!

-4.05pm.staring at the letters on my keyboard along AS4.listening to metallica. waiting for you. reading this.-

P.S. i dun blame society. i blame the community. we are not doing something right. but i cannot put my finger to it.

im over the moon.

2007-10-25T11:42:00.001+08:00

"Flying to the Moon is the nation's long cherished dream"

"As lunar exploration embodies our overall national strength, it is very significant for raising our international prestige and our national unity,"

"To further drum up Chinese pride, the national anthem and 31 other patriotic songs were uploaded onto the satellite so it could broadcast the music back to China."

"The Chinese satellite will mainly be taking three dimensional pictures of the Moon surface to see where it will be possible to land in the future to set up a lunar base"

1.4 billion yuan (184 million dollars)

to put a man on the moon.

US$2 a day

to send a child to school everyday and feed him.

do the f***ing maths.

we all bleed red. Part 2. (theonewithfamily)

2007-10-24T14:14:00.001+08:00

5 random pictures from 1000s. 1 great big happy family.

we all bleed red. Part 1. (thegatheringatfaizal's)

2007-10-23T19:29:00.000+08:00

Muths and Merv, you were missed!

So Casey ate your portions too. :D come back soon guys!

Wiji, you were not missed much. So see you on sat! kidding lah bear!

My camera sucks as it takes very blurry pics. so get me a new camera.

Enjoy!
I love these times when we all get together. feels like family man.

~we all bleed red~
-faizal-

Raya this year!

2007-10-18T10:33:00.000+08:00

orange. from the house. to the langsir. to the mat. to the walls. to the....

for gopi.

2007-10-05T09:34:00.000+08:00

you know, i always rolled my eyes at bloggers/websites who rite in chinese font or myanmaric language. (dun ask why im at these websites). but when i read the comments in english, like 'good one' or 'nice entry', i will be dying to know what they wrote. so heres the translation of the piece that i wrote, in English.

this poetry.

In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate!

this is a HARAM poetry.
'cause if this poetry is halal,
confirm must have the green halal chop on this poetry!

this is not a GOVERNMENT poetry.
'cause if this poetry is the government's,
confirm i would have named it poetry.gov.sg!
and then i would have launched it big-big at Geylang when the MPs want to on the bazaar lights!

this is a TERRORIST poetry.
'cause this poetry started with "In the Name Of God!"
and it can be written in Arab
and it can be read by a cleric with a turban and a long white beard!

this is a poetry that the MALAYS made.
'cause if a chinese made it,
confirm this poetry will be sold in the market to make a profit!
or burnt in a big, brownish, red barrel as hell money for my ancestors!

this poetry is an EXPENSIVE one.
'cause after i launch this poetry, i must pay GST
must pay Service Charge 10%
and if i put wheels on it, must pay ERP, Road Tax, Insurance, COE!
then if many people want to read this poetry, must get PERMIT!
pay some more!

this is a MAT and MINAH poetry!
'cause this poetry is fast game shotgun one!
no need to think long long.
this poetry short term only!

this poetry, is like LIVING, WORKING and DYING in SINGAPORE.
when want to finish la.

last. this one especially for you gops.

this poetry is like my brother, GOPI.
its long lengthwise(haha), has a lot of layers,
but if you look beyond the words and the outer appearance,
theres something magical about it.
.
.
.
.

yah rite!!!
haha

ini puisi.

2007-09-19T02:01:00.000+08:00

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM!

ini puisi HARAM!
pasal kalau puisi ini puisi halal,
mestilah ia ada 'chop' halal colour hijau dekat puisi ini!

ini puisi bukan GOVERNMENT yg punya!
pasal kalau puisi ini govermen yang punya,
confirm aku namakan puisi.gov.sg!
lepas tu aku launchkan puisi ini besar-besar kat Geylang time nak on lampu-lap-lip

ini puisi TERRORIS!
pasal puisi ini dimulakan dengan BISMILLAH
dan ia boleh ditulis dalam bahasa Arab
dan ia boleh dibacakan oleh orang bersarban dan berjanggut!

ini puisi MELAYU yang bikin!
pasal kalau puisi ini cina yang bikin
nampaksah puisi ini dah dipasarkan untuk buat duit!
atau dibakar dalam tong warna coklat sebagai duit untuk arwah nenek moyang aku!

ini puisi MAHAL punya!
pasal lepas aku launch puisi ini kena bayar GST kena bayar Service Charge 10%
kalau letak roda, kena bayar ERP, Road Tax, Insurance, COE!
pasal tu kalau ramai orang nak baca nie puisi kena mintak permit!
bayar lagik!

ini puisi MAT dengan MINAH!
pasal ini puisi fast game shotgun punya!
tak payah fikir panjang-panjang punya.
ini puisi untuk short term ajer beb.

ini puisi macam HIDUP BELAJAR KERJA MATI kat SINGAPORE.
bila nak habis dah.

from this side of the window

2007-09-13T11:16:00.001+08:00

i was looking out the glass paneled window of central library's multimedia viewing room.

randomly taking a break from the calculations of the mathematical gibberish that i was trying to solve.

and as i looked out to the roads at all the arty farty girls and guys in their nice shirts and pants and tops and miniskirts and fashion disasters.

and i thought to myself.

why are all the not so pretty girls dressed up in miniskirts and tight figure hugging tops and all the can make it pretty faced girls are decently dressed down with fashionably nice unrevealing skin-complementing clothes.

there should be a rule in this school. if you want to wear something cleavage-revealing, breast-and-ass-hugging or thigh-showing clothes. you better damn well get a second and third opinion on whether you can pull it off.

or you would end up distracting people like me going "euww", "ouch", "what the", "oh come on".

i do not claim myself to be a fashion guru but i know that white goes with black and red with bright green and collared shirts are a definite must with slippers.

then again, this boils down to the ultimate question. are you the can make it or cannot make it type? then again..who cares. whos to judge. this is a random rambling regurgitated remorseful rant.

im still at my 4th question, and i have been distracted enough. :D

enligtened in this dark narrow alley

2007-09-11T06:36:00.000+08:00

good morning.

it has come to my attention that we are now living in the 21st century.

oppression is a word that can be easily dissolved in cup.
all you need to do is add 3 teaspoonfuls of sugar, a piece of the Law(whichever that governs your taste), a bag of mix-&-ready "Have-Your-Own-Backbone" powder and a pinch of Perseverence tablets that you can buy at any local supermarket near you.

*heaves*

good afternoon.
this is me speaking.
move on. life and love aint that difficult. move on.
i have loved and lost so many times.
and it hurts EVERY single time. and now finally i have met THE love that I have tried so hard to find and the ONLY thing i regret was that we didnt find each other sooner.
so go ahead. love someone and prepare to lose him. go and scandal on your 4 year girlfriend. go and two time or three time on your wife. sneak around and lie to your parents. lie and cheat on your boyfriend. if you feel the need to do it. DO IT! because you have NOT found love. cause every mistake and consequence is a step nearer to that ultimate love. the one that you surrender yourself to.

good evening.
this is where YOU are now.
you are lost. you think i have no idea what situation you are in. you think that my advice cannot just be applied to any type of situation because your situation is different. with many other factors, consequences and repercussions. you think that given your situation, in your shoes, that i would be lost, just like you. heres the truth. i would be lost, just like you. and i would need friends and a support system. who doesnt. but boy are you making me pissed mad for you are not helping yourself! whisper to my ear what you are afraid of and i will tell you to shout it out loud to whatever thats making you afraid and tell that person/thing/situation to go fly kite.
you make your own life. you make your own happiness. you make your own mistakes. you die happy. coz its YOUR life.

*heaves*

good night.
close your eyes. pray. if i didnt help you realise something from this entry, i pray to HIM that HE will. go ahead. cry. cry it all out. go ahead. talk. talk it all out. go ahead. blog. blog it all out. close your eyes. sleep it off. tomorrow, YOU OWN THE WORLD!

good morning.

it has come to my attention that we are living in the 21st century.
heres your cup of tea.

hey you! hi awak!

2007-08-31T09:18:00.000+08:00

apologies for this unupdated pathetic blog. school came in hard and fast like a choo choo train. choo! choo!
:)

anyway, its nice to have time for myself and for reeza again. for my family. for driving. for saturday soccer. for engineering. for blogging.
:)

and. i passed my driving!!! *thank you, thank you**curtsey*
first time pass ok so dun play play. 16 points. now can drive my family around during raya and i no longer need to sit down and hear abah nag me on why it is important for a man to learn how to drive. another one of his many theories defining what defines a man. like getting an engineering degree. like knowing how to cut a chicken. haha. well at least now in his eyes, im going up a lil higher on that phallic-shaped ladder.
:)

and. i have handed over fully my duties of the vice president of the nus malay language society. 3 years of exco and im so glad i exitted at the right exit. with the right people. i have to personally thank the "pbm junkies" for always making me feel like im not the only one who understands what pbm stands for. kamal, EO, adhana, afro, hajar. at one point or another you were a source of my fuel for the relentless drive towards making pbm what it is. thank you. to my first jk. for igniting that drive and passion. to my second jk. for making me feel like i can do so much more. to my third jk. for being the best. for making me feel that i have done enough in pbm to hang up my 'junkie' kit. but fret not. this aint the end. im going to support pbm all the way. im going to go to the army and make sure our boys turn out right. gonna see how i can contribute to the malay community in a bigger way. ultimately...give me back my "junkie" kit!
:)

and. to everyone else who is not involved in the above paragraph. my brothers. my reeza. my family. for understanding when i was not around. when i could not be around. for saturday soccer. for sheesha. for dates. for family dinner. i love you guys. i love you my darling family. and i love you.
:)

and.you.happy turning 21. dont naughty naughty ah!
:)

and. im having a little problem with FYP. i might not get to start it this semester. im going to need to talk to the professors. and the green people. and the professors again. and the green people again. so wish me luck.
:(
:)

all in all. i dun care. coz im here rite now. and i know its all going to be good. coz its been great.

signing off.

puppies.

2007-07-13T10:31:00.000+08:00

recently, im so used to writing in poetry cum sajakish lingo that sometimes when i re-read the posts i typed, it comes across as a bit jiwang and dense. thats why i find myself deleting so many of my half written posts. i write, i go...euw! and i hit the delete post button.

i find that the need for me to express myself to the world in such overlapping sentences with hidden meanings is due to the fact that i know this blog is a window. the same kind of window people look through when they want to buy a puppy.
they look, they judge, if they like it, they stay, they go in the shop and they buy the puppy. if they dun like it, they walk away. and then they tell people, how cute or ugly that puppy through that window is. we are puppies. you get what i mean?

i cannot be a puppy!
1. i am a muslim. it would be hard to ambil wudhu because your nose has to be dry every time.
2. haha.
3. privacy is key to happiness. so is voyeurism.

the balance of how much you want the world to see you vs how much you want to keep whats you between you and yourself is a minute to minute battle.
you meet a friend, you tell her about how your day went, but you did not tell her about how your armpit hair is growing so fast that its itchy.

or...haha.

on a professional level, you smile to everyone at work, but you secretly really hate one or two people.
or..on a faizal level, you want people to know the whos who and whats what in your life, seemingly to bridge the gap between friends and your own self who you do not have time to catch up with. at the same time, neither do i want my whole life on a platter, served with a mug of beer and sheesha by the side.

so i write with flowers. and with butterflies.
i salute the puppies with day to day entries and pictures of what i did today and tomorrow and yesterday. i salute you with a remember-not-to-visit-this-blog-again tabit. its not you. i just cannot understand why one would want to diari-tise their blog.

what happen to old school pink diaries with that lil lock by the side where girls write, Dear Diary, this is what i did today...i remembered girls guarding those diaries like they guarded their virginity. dont see! cannot see lah! give back lah!! well perhaps, time has changed. tagbox. profiling. oh well, diaries lose their locks and girls lose their panties. voyeurism vs privacy.old school vs gen xyz2000.

i stick to old school. the most interesting people i know, are not those whose window i already passed by. its those with half shut shutters, the ones with the locked doors and an empty basket. no puppies. just fur.

their setengah masak sentences, the way they write to just give you enough, makes me want to know more. and that makes for a better relationship.
and i prefer it that way.

now this sun is setting.

2007-07-13T10:10:00.000+08:00

13th July.
i will remember thee.
dan seperti ular sawa mengupas kulitnya kerana terlalu gemuk makan tikus jahanam.

and only you will know why.
dan seperti menangkap berlian dalam arang.

and everyone else will want to know.
dan seperti lalat ke bangkai tikus.

but only i will bear this nonsense.
dan seperti binatang jalang dari kumpulannya terbuang.

and the world will sit and do nothing but laugh at this hypocrisy.
dan biar peluru menembus kulitku.

but i know. that what doesnt kill you, only makes you str.....only makes you sttt...only makes you..
dan luka dan bisa kubawa berlari, sendiri.

dan aku akan tetap meradang, menerjang.
dan aku akan lebih tidak peduli.
aku mau hid..
aku mau...

"Ya Allah!! ini bukan cubaan, ini betul betul!! Alahhhhhh"

this button dun have.

2007-07-13T10:07:00.000+08:00

my mac does not have a recovery button.
my windows used to.

im so pissed.
was doing my work for module PBM1101 and DK3405 and SAF6445 and the other modules im taking this sem and last sem.

did so much work lah!
then suddenly my mac crashed.

now have to start.
all over again.
and i dun even know where to start...
bitch.

delete button.

2007-07-13T10:05:00.000+08:00

delete.
delete.

..
..

delete.
delete.

..

delete.

hmmmmm.

so life DOES have a DEL button.

refresh button.

2007-07-11T10:08:00.000+08:00

hmmmmm.

so life DOES have a refesh button.

:D

what i did NOT do today.

2007-07-03T02:56:00.000+08:00

i didnt go shopping nor take pictures of myself and my significant other with weird poses and tongues sticking out. no, not today.

neither did i sit down and have an intellectual discussion regarding hong kong's future democracy struggle under china. no, not today.

worse still, i even missed my lessons and tutorials. i slept in. its just not the day.

at night, i was home early. 9 pm and i was already in my room. playing xbox. watching serendipity. its just not the day.

but you know what i did DO today?

i went out with reeza. in the evening. and the sun was setting.
and all we did. was ride up to faber point.

yup thats all i did today.

:)

no more sticks in my cigarette box.

2007-06-21T00:23:00.000+08:00

i walked myself into Phuture.
and i walked up to the bar.
i traded in my drink coupon for a vodka lime, my favourite.
he swirled, he poured, he served.
and i lit my Salem menthol, my favourite.
i took, i lit, i inhaled.
and then i went to the quietest part.
the one where the couples used to hang out.
the dark sleazy corner where couples use the absence of light to make out.
but its just me, my vodka and my Salem.
breathe. look around.

the music plays. the hips start grinding. and then we start to grind.
the smoke machine churns out a white dreamy concoction.
spooooof. 3 seconds. spooooof. 3 seconds. spooof.
GAS! GAS! GAS!

1 thousand. 2 thousand. 3 thousand. 4 thousand.
and my mask is on. and i breathe you in.
and it stings.
name. nric. date of birth. where i lived.
tears. phlegm. tears. phlegm. tears. phlegm.
a green wired fence and water on my face.
sweet. sweet water. on my face.
SPLASH!

SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH!
stream, big tunnel, sand
guys ready to move out?
ok nvm, we solat here, on this patch of sand.
subhanallah, walhamdulillah, walaila, haillallah, wallahuakbar.
pok nik! pok nik! pok nik!
sini gelap. takper. orchard road. terang. merbahaya.
Berhati! Berhati! Di jalan raya! Berhati! Berhati! Di jalan raya!
VROOOOOM!

vroooom. vroooom. vrooooom.
nur. 90km/h. hold tight. dun wobble. hold tight.
100km/h. stay focus. body in. streamline.
120km/h. focus. dun wobble. head down. streamline.
130km/h. focus. focus. focus.
140,150,160, FOCUS!
161.
162.
163.
163.
164.
164.
164.
164.
165. its wobbling! no its not! hold tight! 5 seconds! hold tight!
165.
165.
165!
OH MY GOD! THIS ROCKS! THIS IS RIDING! WOOOHOOOO!!!
FREEDOM!!!!

FREEDOM!!! FREEDOM!!! FREEDOM!!!!
crash. roll. roll. roll. damn it.
...
....
.....

sunlight. sunset. you. mount faber.
sunlight. sunrise. you.
sunlight.
storm.you.
dark clouds.you.
lightning. zap. zap. zap.
rain. tears. wind. rain. tears. wind.
woooo!!!ooooo!!!!!WOOOOOOO!!!!!!

oooooOOOOOOOOOO----Vium uncle!
uncle chew loves erico.
just just...just plagiarise. just just.
..
...
....

toilet bowl. flush.
tell me u get what i mean.
there are no more sticks in my cigarette box.
i ran out of it, when i lit my first one at phuture.

re: very brave indeed

2007-06-15T07:34:00.000+08:00

if its the past that saddens you, then allow me to sweep you off your feet everyday.
agar cinta sentiasa tersirat di ingatan.

if its vivid images that haunts you, then lets take more pictures of me loving you loving me loving you.
agar cinta sentiasa hadir dalam kita.

if ur wondering whether im at my happiest now, then allow me to rest my head on your shoulders, ur arms around me, and let me whisper to your ear, that i have never felt this 'home' with anyone.
agar cinta sentiasa ringan di hati.

if ur asking whether i was in love then, then i need to ask you something.
ingin bulan bertanya si rama-rama..

that if then i was in love, what should i call this murmuring in my heart now.

what shall we name this crazed feeling that makes me want to wake up to you in the morning, be with you in the day and sleep with you in my mind.

in which dictionary, can i find the meaning of this feeling, that makes me feel like i can go through anything in this world with you by my side.

if then i was in love.
jadi perasaan apakah ini, yang tak bernama...yang membuatku ingin,hidup mati, bersamamu.

yang membuatku ingin berjalan berduaan, berdampingan, berkompang dibawah kolong blok bersamamu dikalangan makcik pakcik yang sungguh-aku-tak-kenal sambil mereka makan nasi minyak.

yang membuatku berdiari maya pada pagian hari walaupun ada test pada petang hari agarmu dapat membaca perasaan yang tersirat di hatiku, dengan harapan hatimu rasa lebih ringan.

yang setelah 23 tahun bermaharajalela, membuat ego-ku sekecil kuman, yang menidurkan hatiku dipangkuan.

kalau hari-hari itu kukata kubercinta,
then i guess.
i shall just name this feeling.
'perasaan tak bernama yang tidak pernah kurasa dengan sesiapa'

and i feel that way. rite about now.

aku berasa 'perasaan tak bernama yang tidak pernah kurasa dengan sesiapa' padamu Elfareeza Ul Haq.

:) paham?

my most happiest post.

2007-06-08T09:20:00.000+08:00

=.)

and this is how i feel in the morning, waking up, with you on my mind.

=.)

and this is how i feel when im with you in the day, you by my side.

=.)

and this is how i feel at night, in bed, thinking of you.

and this is....
macam mana nak cakap...
its like....
dia macam...
how do you say it....
seperti....
you know...

=.)

Shrek's BBQ

2007-05-27T14:11:00.001+08:00

proudly brought to you
by Shrek and Faizal.
=)

they built the walls.

2007-05-27T13:15:00.000+08:00

they built the walls.

and there you are. you with your small little chisel. hitting away at the cracks in the wall, trying to get through.

and i am on the other side.

and i want to reach for that small door by the side,so that you will come in.

im reaching for that knob. the key is in. i turn the knob halfway...and i released it.

not now. not yet. maybe soon.
perhaps..

dun doubt me. i love you. but them-stupid-people built these stupid walls.

eh mat, why so long never blog?

2007-05-27T12:50:00.000+08:00

i blog. because i want to.
when there is a need to.

so girl siak.

2007-05-27T12:44:00.001+08:00

wat the hell.

1. go put on a dress, get a skipping rope, and suck a lollipop.

2. go back 15 years of your life when ur 9 and run to mummy.

then perhaps i can empathise for you being so....girl.

one more thing.

DONT ever use the phrase
"all this while i was there for you and now i dun get the same in return"
or
"i did this and that and you treat me like this"

hei dude..
gandhi once said..
"do things to others BECAUSE you want to do it out of the purity of heart..and expect nothing in return. dont be there for others if you want to use it as an emotional advantage in the future..you....girl."
ok gandhi didnt say that.

grow up lah!! please?

The best thing about PBM is.

2007-05-27T12:25:00.000+08:00

that noone will review your work and publish it on paper and give it 3 out of 5 stars.

that every other person thinks that somebody elses job is easier than his.

that there is no audience to give you an applause.

that noone will remember what you did or what post u held after 2 semesters.

the im-too-busy to attend pointless meeting attitude.

the never ending pointless meetings that are actually important.

the ever-so-over-confident year 1s.

the i-really-cant-care-less year 2s.

the we-think-we-are-experienced-and-too-controlling year 3s.

the i-got-thesis-and-project-lah-sorry year 4s.

that your resume will count for nothing/very little in the secular world.

that people think its sooo secondary school and jc.

that these people actually cant cut it if they actually joined pbm.

that some people in pbm actually really cant cut it.

that at the end of it all, its realy just about the person sitting beside you, during meetings, at macdonalds, that emcee, that station master, that apd, that president, that friend that is going thru...
all this shit..with you.

and if you dun understand that, then you have not had, a true pbm experience.
really.

dun even think..

2007-05-27T12:08:00.000+08:00

that she can stop his vices.

that he actually felt worshipped with her.

that we are securely truly in love.

that they look good together.

that them people know what its like to be in jk.

that us people are in control.

dun even think..for once, that you know where muhammed faizal rawi is coming from or where he came from. he will tell you if he wants you to know. and whisper to your ear, words you want to hear. and make you feel like you are in control. but dun ever think he forgets or does not question. the blog has changed. the love has changed. the friends have rotated.

but hell no.
he is still an egoistic maniac who has an unsatiated thirst for control and self-dependency.
so
tell them green men to pack their bags.
tell that ex-gf to find new grass.
tell that committee member to shove her i-know-everything up her ass.
tell that new love to give him space.
tell nus that he hates civil engineering
and tell them that hes gonna finish this degree off or die trying.
tell prana that its not over.
tell the whole world...
that i might not be at my 100%, but every 1% will see me thru.

tell them..that im not done yet.

the love of my life

2007-05-20T12:23:00.000+08:00

this is one of those entries where i just wanna ramble on and on... coz i just need to let the whole world noe..

I LURVE ELFAREEZA UL HAQ! YESSSS, I DO WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL!

well, this sweet, adorable, irresistable and sexy darling of mine has turned my life around.
i think she's smart and hot! Gosh have u seen those curves? *roll around*
*grin uncontrollably* and her smile.. and i think she's everything i want. understanding, caring and SOOO LOVABLE.. especially when she eksyen merajuk and whines.. just how she always want me.. i guess she's just naturally cute. OH MY GOSH.. it's just hard to resist myself from eating her.. (literally) *grinz*

*sighz*
i am very lucky..
i am more focused.. motivated.. and inspired.
only God knows how much i lurve her... oh wait.. she noes too..
i just cant get enough of her... GOSH.. *smiles thinking of her*
oh well ppl.. too bad she's mine!!

kan i told you.. she's just soooooo........*hehe* that's just wats apparent. but you guys dunno how ROMANTIC she is.. plus she actually puts up with me and my PMS(es) .. understands my frequent nonsense and just loves everything about me..
i guess i AM the luckiest person in the world.. she's just beautiful in every way. *heart melts*

i lap you ayang. *winkz* you bring out the best in me..

disclaimer: this entry was not written by the blog author. his account was hijacked by the gf.

(the gf: NOT TRUE!)

me hearts you.

2007-05-06T03:12:00.000+08:00

love with the fullest of heart...

dan jangan pernah takut terminum racun....

let the wind judge, let the seas boil...

biar terbakar, biar dihumban ke sana sini...

nobody said it was going to be easy...

kalau senang, buat apa bercinta...

love with the fullest of your heart,
or dun bother loving at all.

:)

got that boys and girls?

me lovey lovey! you savvy savvy?

2007-05-06T02:35:00.000+08:00

Skrip for melayu.memang.nak.kena.sula.sg

bimbo moment: i heart this blog! its so freaking cool! the templates are easy to change, its a drag and drop interface and so freakishly user friendly. wheeee!

abang2 moment: dah lah tu. jangan enjoy sangat bro. next week special semester dah start. ahh..time to do up your exercise regime, your class 3 lessons, your timetable and of course, end with a big-o-bang to your PBM stint. abang rasa, kita go all out for the next 2 months ok?

sial moment: hoi melayu! kalau LU nak tanya GUA pasal life GUA. LU tanya GUA. ada paham? jangan pandai2 buat cerita. jangan pandai2 tanya orang lain. jangan pandai2 cuba bau kencing siapa kat tiang mana macam anjing! LU ada paham tak? im here beb! u want to noe wats up, GUA tunggu lah dekat phone GUA! LU picit jer!

abang2 moment: Astarghfirullahalazim...sabar bro. kata melayu. kata nak kena tahu. kata concernnn perrr. biarlah dorang tanya-tanya. yang kau nak hot sangat apasal.

bimbo moment: eh! errr...awak cakap pasal apa nie?

sial moment: arrgh! kalau LU terasa LU terasa lah! siapa makan belachan, dia dapat diarrhoea!

God forgive.

2007-04-25T19:15:00.000+08:00

ampunilah.

those that try to make it easy.
those that i scorn at for trying to understand.
those that still do not understand.
those that try to understand from the outside.

forgive.

mereka yang harus berpihak.
mereka yang tidak berpihak.
mereka yang terdengar.
mereka yang ternampak.

ya Allah. ya Tuhanku.
jarang kubaca kitabMu. lebih jarang ku sujud kepadaMu.
selalu ku lari dariMu. hari-hari ku main dengan perasaanMu.
tak seperti mereka yang Kau berikan cahayaMu.
mereka yang berkitab sebelum belajar.
mereka yang bersujud lima hari sewaktu.
mereka yang berbismiLLah sebelum makan.
mereka yang tidak lokek dengan perasaan cinta kepadaMu.

tapi...

selalu kudengar bacaan kitabMu.
selalu kuingat kepadaMu.
jarang ku solat hanya kerana waktu.
jarang ku buat apa yang Kau haramkan.
tak pernah ku bernafas kubenci padaMu.

Ya Allah, Ya tuhanku.
ampunilah, yang harus diampun.
i love You.

history.

2007-04-17T22:54:00.000+08:00

i have a lot of history.

is that bad?

*chuckle*

she is looking for the newer version.

wah. 'kerek' (character) nampak.

do you think people will wonder?

she shakes her head. he nods in disapproval.

she smiles. he smiles.

dah jumpa?

welcome.

2007-04-16T11:50:00.000+08:00

to the humble abode.
the address has changed.
the colour is different.
the man remains the same.

enjoy!